Twenty conceptual instruments from the REIS system. Each one is built to do exactly one thing to the person carrying it. Specifications are honest. Returns are not accepted.
Includes one ‘humility’ preset you cannot override.
Single-dial attenuator for the inner monologue. Calibrated to room volume.
Includes one ‘humility’ preset you cannot override.
Pairs best with rooms that ‘won’t shut up’.
Modular field unit for sculpting the pause between statements.
Pairs best with rooms that ‘won’t shut up’.
Battery life: one career.
Worn under the jacket. Increases ambient gravity by approximately 18%.
Battery life: one career.
Side effect: occasional contempt for adjectives.
Optical assembly that removes flattery before it reaches cognition.
Side effect: occasional contempt for adjectives.
Comes pre-configured to drop family group chats.
Edge device for redirecting your story away from people who misquote it.
Comes pre-configured to drop family group chats.
Decorative shame is biodegradable.
Glass instrument that separates useful shame from decorative shame.
Decorative shame is biodegradable.
Will not sit on shelves it does not respect.
Tabletop block weighing roughly 1.4kg. Heavier when ignored.
Will not sit on shelves it does not respect.
Buzzes once for slouching. Twice for over-apologising.
Wrist unit that silently corrects shoulder collapse during long meetings.
Buzzes once for slouching. Twice for over-apologising.
Will not be photographed.
A single black dot mounted on titanium. Sits on the desk. Watches the work.
Will not be photographed.
Empty it monthly. Do not open it after wins.
Triangular vessel for storing competitive impulses outside the body.
Empty it monthly. Do not open it after wins.
Refills sold separately. They are never in stock.
Industrial reel of unspoken responses. Replaces gut reactions.
Refills sold separately. They are never in stock.
Cuts through indecision and, occasionally, fingers.
Fragment of polished obsidian. Hold during decisions you are about to defend.
Cuts through indecision and, occasionally, fingers.
Detected by interviewers in 0.4 seconds.
Discreet metal collar. Reads as ‘in charge’ across glass conference rooms.
Detected by interviewers in 0.4 seconds.
Disposed of in a tray you cannot afford.
Single-use instrument for removing intrusive thoughts from a sentence.
Disposed of in a tray you cannot afford.
Installation requires one person you will eventually replace.
Wall-mounted lattice for archiving moments you intend to outgrow.
Installation requires one person you will eventually replace.
Do not exceed two per quarter.
Sealed unit. Releases a 90-second window of measured warmth on demand.
Do not exceed two per quarter.
Calendar integrations refused on principle.
Hand-turned brass spindle. Threads ten-year decisions through ten-minute days.
Calendar integrations refused on principle.
Voids if removed before shipping.
Outer chassis worn during launch weeks. Filters small talk at the hardware level.
Voids if removed before shipping.
Sentence chosen at checkout. There are no returns.
Single slab. One sentence engraved. Replaces the entire bookshelf you keep buying.
Sentence chosen at checkout. There are no returns.
Cannot be gifted. Cannot be sized down.
Closed-loop band worn off-hand. A daily reminder that you already decided.
Cannot be gifted. Cannot be sized down.
All instruments are made to order. Lead times vary by ego.